ABC/DAVID GRAY

The aliens have landed. And we couldn't wait to welcome them.

V, ABC's redo of the 1980s sci-fi franchise, notched the fall's biggest new-series premiere among the viewers TV networks covet most.

Overall, last night's hourlong opener averaged 13.9 million hapless humans, preliminary Nielsen estimates showed, topping NBC's The Biggest Loser (8.5 million) and the first hour of Fox's So You Think You Can Dance (6.4 million).  CBS' NCIS (19.4 million) was its typical monster self, and led the 8 p.m. hour—but not among those aforementioned viewers TV networks covet most.

V, which originally invaded TV in 1983, via NBC, was actually the night's highest-rated show among the cool kids, also besting NCIS: Los Angeles and Dancing With the Stars.

Guess we've been waiting for somebody to take care of all the rodents.

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How's Jon & Kate Minus Jon working out for TLC? Why is Kate Hudson's boyfriend spreading his wings? And did Heroes just suck you in again?

The answers—and more questions—in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. Can Kate Gosselin compete with Jon & Kate? Yes. And she can outdo it, too. Last week's Kate-only episode, "You Ask, Kate Answers," was 50 percent bigger, audience-wise, than the previous week's joint-custody adventure.

2. What is the Centaur Effect? On Friday, Us Weekly reported that Alex Rodriguez owned two paintings of himself as a half-man, half-horse. On Sunday, the World Series, featuring Rodriguez's New York Yankees, galloped off with nearly 23 million viewers, TV's No. 1 show of the week, and the fall classic's most-watched contest in five years.

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ABC/CRAIG SJODIN

FlashForward, The Vampire Diaries and The Real Housewives of Atlanta don't have a thing in common. Except that they do.

We'll find out what as we play good week, bad week in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. Was it a good or bad week for…FlashForward? Good week. ABC got to brag that the Thursday night series is TV's most DVR'd freshman, packing on nearly 2 million viewers over the course of a week. In the latest Nielsen rankings, the show finished 29th, with a 9.9 million viewers (and counting).

2. …The Vampire Diaries? It got picked up for the rest of the season, its reruns are going to replace Melrose Place's on Wednesdays, and its Thursday night rerun last week outdrew all-new episodes of 90210 and Dollhouse, so, yeah, the CW show's good. 

3. …Housewives of Atlanta? Good week. Sorry, make that great week.

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Before he died, Michael Jackson's finances weren't exactly sterling. Now, everything he—or rather his legacy—touches is gold.

The latest example: Last night's Dancing With the Stars.

The results show scored a Tuesday season-high audience of 14.2 million, ABC said, based on preliminary Nielsen estimates. So either people really wanted to see swimmer Natalie Coughlin take a dive—or they really, really wanted to see Derek Hough et al. do the "Thriller" line dance. 

The show's much-anticipated Jackson tribute drew not only viewers but Jacksons, too—including mother Katherine, who appeared onstage.

Somehow, CBS' M.J.-free NCIS managed to maintain its top-flight status as the night's No. 1 show (20.6 million viewers).

Barbara Nitke/FOX

Should NBC have opted for Lipstick Jungle over Jay Leno? Should the CW have uprooted steady Smallville for The Vampire Diaries? And should Fox have fiddled with Fringe's time slot?

With the first month of the 2009-10 TV season in the books, it's time to look at how the new shows—and the old shows in new time slots—are faring compared to last fall's lineup.

Beware of some surprising answers in the latest ratings quiz.

1. And the winner is…Lipstick Jungle or Jay Leno? Leno. At this point, the comic's averaging about 2 million more people on Wednesdays at 10 p.m. than the late Brooke Shields series was. And, yes, while Leno's ahead because of his big premiere week, big premiere weeks count.

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Carin Baer/FOX

Payback's a plucky Avril Lavigne cover.

Fox's Glee outrated NBC's Law & Order: SVU among the demographically desirable, and outright outdrew everything else in the Peacock's Wednesday night lineup, preliminary Nielsen estimates show.

The jazz-hand jab came days after NBC pulled the plug on talks to feature the Glee cast in next month's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Fortunately, innocent-bystander SVU didn't suffer any karmic damage. Per usual, between it and Glee, SVU enjoyed the bigger overall audience. Both 9 p.m. shows hit season highs—7.5 million viewers for Glee; 8.8 million for SVU.

CBS' Criminal Minds was the night's most watched show. Which means Joe Mantegna probably won't be getting that invite to sing at NBC's parade, either.

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NBC

How'd that sapphic smooch look on Heroes? What was Southland's Nielsen crime? And why is Fringe falling out of the mainstream?

The answers—and more questions—in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. What did the Claire-Gretchen kiss do for Heroes' ratings? Not much. The audience for last night's show was up, but barely, from last week's show, per preliminary Nielsen estimates. Overall, the show is still running well behind ABC, CBS and Fox's 8 p.m. Monday fare.

2. Is this the end for the show? Just for a major character, apparently. We'll see how that moves the needle. If at all.

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You could call it Jim and Pam versus Jill and Kevin, except Jim and Pam didn't dance, unlike Jill and Kevin.

So, maybe you should just call it Dunder Mifflin gets down. Or tries to.

Last night's long-awaited Halpert-Beasley merger on The Office was attended by 9.1 million, per preliminary Nielsen estimates. The highlight of the hourlong episode, non-Meemaw division, was the spoof of this past summer's YouTube hit, "JK Wedding Entrance Dance."

Or, what you could call a spoof within a spoof.

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CBS

Why are David Letterman's troubles killing Conan O'Brien? Why may Jay Leno's trendline be doing the man no favors, either? And why should  poor Mr. O'Brien be thankful that at least he's not part of Fox's Friday night lineup?

The answers—and more questions—in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. So how's the sex scandal treating Letterman's Late Show? Very well. Thursday's bombshell announcement was watched by about 5.8 million people, some of whom may not have even had sex with the host. Last night's apology addendum was more than twice as big, audiencewise, as O'Brien's Tonight Show and higher-rated than anything in NBC's prime-time schedule, including The Jay Leno Show.

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Carin Baer/FOX

An Emmy-winning guest star. A killer duet. And a Queen cover, to boot.

Glee, not to mention Kristin Chenoweth, who engaged McKinley High's own Lea Michele in a no-notes-barred sing-off, gave a lot last night. And in return, the Fox show topped 7 million viewers for the first time since its fall premiere, per Nielsen estimates.

While Glee got bigger, Law & Order: SVU (7.9 million) again looked smaller than usual in its new, earlier time slot. (Thanks, Jay Leno.)

Elsewhere, CBS' Criminal Minds (13.6 million) ruled as Wednesday's most-watched show. ABC continued to have success with Modern Family (9.9 million) and Cougar Town (9.1 million), even if both comedies were predicatably off from their premieres.

Even more so than last week, ABC's Eastwick (6.6 million) was rendered powerless at 10 p.m. against CBS' CSI: NY (12.9 million).

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Your handy-dandy guide to the fall season...in pictures!

Carin Baer/FOX

How's the fall working out for TV's top shows? How's that second chance working out for Dollhouse? And how's Jay Leno working out for Conan O'Brien?

The answers—and more questions—in the latest TV ratings quiz:

1. Name three big shows that look even bigger than they did last fall. NCIS rose to no. 1 in the latest Nielsen rankings. House returned to the top 10. The Big Bang Theory broke into the top 20.

2. Name three big shows that don't. The Mentalist, CSI: Miami and Desperate Housewives all fell out of the top 10. CSI suffered the most viewer defections from fall premiere to fall premiere, but still wound up at no. 7 for the week.

3. Can Dollhouse get any smaller? Than last season? Yup. Joss Whedon's show averaged only 2.5 million die-hards for its latest opener, bad for 110th place.

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ABC/RON TOM; FOX

Wisteria Lane residents, be advised: Stewie's plan for world domination is coming together.

Hot off its historic Emmy nod, Fox's Family Guy scored its biggest audience in more than a year: 10.2 million, for its eighth-season premiere, preliminary Nielsen estimates showed.

Even more impressive, in the 9 p.m. half-hour, Family Guy dominated a downsized Desperate Housewives among young people who weren't watching the football game on NBC. 

All in all, it was a pretty ugly night for Housewives.

The pretty: The six-season-old ABC soap ended up as Sunday's most-watched scripted show, with 13.2 million fans. The ugly: It lost about 5.5 million fans from last fall's opener.

How'd the premieres go for Family Guy's new neighbor and the other returning shows?

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