We've encountered Eagle Man on these pages before, but his last appearance pales in comparison with the sheer mondo surrealism of this offering. Though we detest using the ultimate cliché, on acid, this thing merits it. Exactly what it is on acid, we're not sure. But it's bad acid. Thank self-confessed Soupaholic Melissa for what you see. 

David Klein/Getty Images

After a lengthy history of some 30 years, the credibility of Penthouse magazine's Forum column—stipulating that a penis must range from 8 to 12 inches in length to satisfy a woman—is coming into question, thanks to a statement from actor Verne Troyner's Playboy model girlfriend.

Despite sexy Genevieve Gallen's revelation that "Verne's body is proportional all over, so he was smaller than I expected," the 2-foot-8-inch actor's size didn't cause a problem. "We could have sex up to 10 times in a single day," gushed the stunner. "We'd do it for 45 minutes and he would just keep on going as I had orgasm after orgasm."

The far-reaching ramifications of her statements have yet to be fully realized.

"This is truly incredible," stated Penthouse rep Serge Dunwiddy to Soup Blog reporters. "Our long held belief that a woman can only reach orgasm after an intense session with a man's massive, helmeted bohemian love dart, or a fellow's immense, pulsating intruder has been shaken to the core. Apparently a seemingly insatiable vixen can be satisfied by a fantastically swollen rod that's less than, well, monstrous."

Added a concerned Dunwiddy: "Accuracy has always been our foundation. We're going to have to rethink our editorial stance on this issue."

So, a group of people sat down and came up with this ad idea. They filmed it, recorded the theme song, edited it and sat back and watched it. They looked at each other and decided yes, this looks very good and expresses exactly what we want to get across. Let's put it on television. Thanks to Soup fiend Liza for this.

Christmas has come and gone, but thanks to the magic of video, we can relive the warmth and happiness literally days into the future. Which brings us to Henrietta and Myrna and their scintillating take on Go Tell It on the Mountain. We may be going out on a limb here, but never has less enthusiasm been mustered in the name of Jesus. 

You'll be seeing red as this overbearing stage mom on I Know My Kid's a Star lectures the sweet issue of her loins on belting out "Son of a Preacher Man." Put a cork in it, lady. Oh yeah, there is also a mention of a tampon, but we don't want to spoil the heavy flow of McHale one-liners, so watch the clip, and tune in at 10 p.m. PT/ET.

There's always a certain straightforward creative genius to local commercials. And after seeing this no-nonsense bit of advertising from some lawyer named J. Michael Gallagher, well, who wouldn't want to get divorced? Thanks to Soup amigo Tom for this.

E! Network

From ROB:
WHY DOES JOEL ALWAYS WEAR A TIE? IT WOULD BE COOL TO SEE HIM IN MORE CASUAL DRESS....MAYBE AN OPEN SHIRT?? NO SHIRT....HE IS WAY MORE HANDSOME AND SEXY THAN RYAN EVER COULD BE!!!! HE NEEDS TO SHOW MORE SKIN!!!!!!!!!!! FROM A FAN WHO IS A DUDE....
HI ROB!!!! YOU’RE NOT THE FIRST DUDE WHO WANTS TO SEE MR. SEXY—WE MEAN JOEL—WEARING AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!!! NOTHING WRONG WITH A DUDE APPRECIATING ANOTHER DUDE’S SMOKIN’ BOD!!!!! JUST REMEMBER, UNDER THOSE CLOTHES, HE’S TOTALLY NAKED!!! GO AHEAD, CLOSE YOUR EYES. GET INTO IT...YOU THROUGH? WE’VE GOT OTHER LETTERS TO GET TO...OK, GOOD. THANKS

From jkernen:
My girlfriend and I would love to hang with Joel in Reno, tell him to meet us at the fruity frozen drinks tomorrow. WOOO!!
He looked for you, and waited for, like, 25 minutes. WTF?!

From mdwitecki:
When is Joel McHale going to take his shirt off for the audience?
NOT SOON ENOUGH!!! RIGHT ROB???!!!

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Everyone knows how dull church can be, but imagine if Sonseed were ska-ing things up old school at your next worship service? God knows we all had such visions when this holy declaration of Christly buddiness hit the Sunday Internets.

Here it is, folks, the clip of all clips selected from every Soup Blog clip this year, or at least as many clips as we could stand to watch.

Despite heated denials to the ladies of The View, common ass crack watching wisdom has it that All My Children's Cameron Mathison was indeed wearing a thong in this touching scene. Certainly, a crystalizing television moment we shan't soon forget, during all the days of our own lives.

See you in '09 for more fun, sexy hijinks and, as always, a chance to win the kitchen appliance of your dreams.